Latest from the Dove Oracle

To this, Dove Oracle, I say,

"Well, DUH!!!!!"

Need a Laugh?

How about a good hour's worth or possibly more?

Many thanks to Sophzilla for sending me a link to Chuck Norris Facts. Some samples:

The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.

Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.

Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.

And on, and on, and on.

I hope Chuck doesn't come roundhouse kick me into next week for laughing at these.

Quote of the - OOOOOOWWWWCH!!!

"Truth hurts. Maybe not as much as jumping on a bicycle with the seat missing, but it hurts."

Naked Gun 2 1/2: The Smell of Fear (1991)
Frank Drebin (Leslie Nielsen)

20 Worst Restaurant Meals in America

Found the list below online yesterday. I got such a huge reaction from friends I e-mailed it to, just had to post it here for y'all to see.

Read it and weep - just don't read it and eat.

20: Worst Fast-Food Chicken Meal - Chicken Selects Premium Breast Strips from McDonald's (5 pieces) with cream ranch sauce. 830 Calories, 55 grams fat (4.5 trans fat), 48 carbs. Add a large fries and regular soda and this seemingly innocuous chicken meal tops out at 1,710 calories.

19: Worst drink - Jamba Juice Chocolate Moo'd Power Smoothie (30 fl oz). 900 calories, 10 g fat, 183 carbs, 166 g sugar. Jamba Juice calls it a smoothie; MSNBC calls it a milk shake. The beverage contains as much sugar as 8 pints of Ben & Jerry's butter pecan ice cream.

18: Worst supermarket meal - Pepperidge Farm Roasted Chicken Pot Pie (whole pie). 1,020 calories, 64 g fat, 86 g carbs. Label may say this pie serves two, but, who ever divided a small pot pie in half? Once you crack the crust, there will be no stopping.

17: Worst 'healthy' burger - Ruby Tuesday Bella Turkey Burger. 1,145 calories, 71 g fat, 56 g carbs.

16: Worst Mexican entree - Chipotle Mexican Grill Chicken Burrito. 1,179 calories, 47 g fat, 125 g carbs, 2,656 mg sodium.

15: Worst kids' meal - Macaroni Grill Double Macaroni 'n' Cheese. 1,210 calories, 62 g fat, 3,450 mg sodium. It's like feeding your kid 1 1/2 boxes of Kraft Mac 'n' cheese.

14: Worst sandwich - Quizno's Classic Italian (large). 1,528 calories, 92 g fat, 4,604 mg sodium, 110 g carbs. A large homemade sandwich would more likely provide about 500 calories.

13: Worst salad - On the Border Grande Taco Salad with Taco Beef. 1,450 calories, 102 g fat, 78 g carbs, 2,410 mg sodium. This isn't an anomaly: Five different On the Border salads on the menu contain more than 1, 100 calories each.

12: Worst burger - Carl's Jr. (Hardee's on East Coast) Double Six Dollar Burger. 1,520 calories! 111g fat. Carl's Jr. brags its home to this enormous sandwich, but the restaurant chain also provides convenient nutrition info on its Web site -- so ignorance is no excuse for eating it.

11: Worst steak - Lonestar 20 oz T-bone. 1,540 calories, 124g fat. Add a baked potato and Lonestar's Signature Lettuce Wedge, and this is a 2,700 calorie blowout.

10: Worst breakfast - Bob Evans Caramel Banana Pecan Cream Stacked and Stuffed hotcakes. 1,540 calories, 77 g fat (9 g trans fat), 198 g carbs, 109 g sugar. Five Egg McMuffins yield the same caloric cost as this stack of sugar-stuffed flapjacks, which is truly a heavy breakfast, weighing in at a hefty pound and a half.

9: Worst dessert - Chili's Chocolate Chip Paradise Pie with Vanilla Ice Cream. 1,600 calories, 78 g fat, 215 g carbs. Would you eat a Big Mac for dessert? How about three? That's the calorie equivalent of this decadent dish. Clearly, Chili's customers get their
money's worth.

8: Worst Chinese entree - P.F. Chang's Pork Lo Mien. 1,820 calories, 127 g fat, 95 g carbs. The fat content in this dish alone provides more than 1,100 calories. And you'd have to eat almost five servings of pasta to match the number of carbs it contains. Now, do you really need five servings of pasta?

7: Worst chicken entree - Chili's Honey Chipotle Crispers with Chipotle Sauce. 2,040 calories, 99 g fat, 240 g carbs. 'Crispers' refers to an extra thick layer of bread crumbs that soak up oil and adds unnecessary calories and carbs to these glorified chicken strips.

6: Worst fish entree - On the Border Dos XX Fish Tacos with Rice and Beans. 2,100 calories, 130 g fat, 169 g carbs, 4,700 mg sodium. Perhaps the most misleadingly named dish in America: A dozen crunchy tacos from Taco Bell will saddle you with fewer calories.

5: Worst pizza - Uno Chicago Grill Chicago Classic Deep Dish Pizza. 2,310 calories, 162 g fat, 123 g carbs, 4,470 mg sodium. Downing this 'personal' pizza is equivalent to eating 18 slices of Domino's Crunchy Thin Crust cheese pizza.

4: Worst pasta - Macaroni Grill Spaghetti and Meatballs with Meat Sauce. 2,430 calories, 128 g fat, 207 g carbs, 5,290 mg sodium. This meal satisfied your calorie requirements for an entire day.

3: Worst nachos - On the Border Stacked Border Nachos. 2,740 calories, 166 g fat, 191 g carbs, 5,280 mg sodium.

2: Worst starter - Chili's Awesome Blossom. 2,710 calories, 203 g fat, 194 g carbs, 6,360 mg sodium.

1: The worst food in America - Outback Steakhouse Aussie Cheese Fries with Ranch Dressing. 2,900 calories, 182 g fat, 240 g carbs. Even if you split these 'starters' with three friends, you'll have downed a dinner's worth of calories before you entree arrives.

A Mighty Leap

I was just over at Netflix, adding "The Golden Compass" to my queue.


Get this. Based on my enjoying "Donnie Darko" and "Schindler's List," Netflix recommends "Cold Comfort Farm" as a film I might like. Oh, and also "Ghandi."

"Ghandi" and "Schindler's List" make a somewhat natural pairing, but "Donnie Darko" and "Cold Comfort Farm"??

"Donnie Darko" and "Schindler's List"? I can get from one to the other, but it's a mighty long walk.

Netflix is 100% right - I've seen all of the listed films, more than once, and am a big fan of all 4. But, um . . . yeah. I can see where they'd put all that together.

Or not.

Spycam Spots Very Poor Choice for a Seminar Title

Did they realize how much the rest of us would enjoy this when they printed it?

One Weird Shopping List

I just jotted down a short shopping list of things I need to pick up before heading to book club tonight. It reads like this:

Dog Food
Tequila
Chocolate Frosting

If I could find all three items in one place . . . that would be one wacky store. But since said store doesn't exist - in our galaxy anyway - looks like 3-stop shopping this evening. Rats.